Being an Idiot

I guess I am an idiot. What else do you call someone who keeps giving her heart out to someone when she's not even confident they will make it? People need to stay away from away. I am a ticking time bomb of fear and sadness and anger at the world who is about to go off. I would call my psychologist whom I love dearly, but she won't help. I know exactly what she will say: leave. I leave all the time inside my soul. I shut down and run away. Then I always come back to something. A person, an eating disorder, God. Maybe the best thing I can do for myself is not be around anyone. Just about every man I know has hurt me besides my brother, and even he broke my heart when he moved away. I fall in love with the wrong person. That is just what I do. Only this time it scares me because I have never loved anyone like this; the kind of love where you love just because you can, and not because you need them. And I have never felt love than I have from him. My mother says he will become just like my father. I need to retch. I don't have much more to say except an apology for any bad grammar that is in this post. I just don't feel like reading it right now.